.." Don't worry, darling, I'm sorry," Ellie touched my face. "I was getting excited. That's the trouble with sex, it can be a power game. I sometimes forget." She took her hand away and lay back. "Look, we'll go at your speed. You make the rules; you have control, okay?"I was stunned. This was something I hadn't experienced; being the less dominant partner. But here was this strong, vibrant woman whose philosophy seemed to be to grab life in both hands and she was dominating me. Even ceding. ..Am I dreaming?" "No Mom you're not dreaming but part of me wishes you were. That's the new job I have. I've made a lot more money doing it then I was making and I figured it wouldn't hurt anyone and no one knew who I was. But tonight before I realized it you were, well you know, and then it was like I was trapped and things just snowballed. I'm sorry Mom" I concluded. She looked to be in shock as I got up and left her sitting there. Under the circumstances I didn't know what else to do. What. I had always figured that, were I to come out, Jack would be the person I would do it to. Not to say he'd be receptive, or even understanding of it; Jack, like his father and his brother, was something of a homophobe. He scared me sometimes with his talk about what he'd like to do to this cocksucker, or that ass-fucker. I always assumed he'd be different with me. Had I been deluding myself? Had I counted on Jack's inflexibility on the subject to keep my closeted, on the straight and narrow,. " You mean 'the Heather', the one you experimented with before we met?" Yes, that Heather," I answer. My husband knows all about her. I had told him everything about our relationship after we met."What did she want?" She's in town this week and wants to get together and catch up." I answer, my voice almost a whisper.My husband pulls me up places a finger under my chin. He looks me in the eyes and asks me how I feel about meeting her."I really don't know. I have mixed feelings about it. I know.
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